GILDING THE LILY.

While blogging I heard a bit of commotion in the main hall. I found my wife rocking in her rocking chair and holding court. About half a dozen stood around her with their arms folded on the chest and taking orders. First I felt happy that she was her usual self bossing around everyone and not sleeping in the bedroom moaning with some pain real or imagined. I found her fully charged up and issuing orders like an Admiral briefing his Commanding Officers just before a major offensive.

“Narayan you get the whole house painted doing all the work. All I will do is select the colours and sir will make the payment. We are old people and don’t you trouble us to do this or that. Give me a final figure and when I give OK, that is it. You should finish the job in seven days.” I couldn’t hear the figure but saw the fellow departing grinning ear to ear.

I heard her issuing similar orders to the plumber cum mason for bathroom fittings, air-conditioner mechanic to keep all the A/Cs fully functional and the others regarding carpets, drapes and wall hangings. She seemed to have set her mind to renovate the house completely sparing no expenses.

“When is your daughter coming madam?” The plumber asked.

“She is coming in first week of July.”

“So what is the hurry?”

“We are a Navy family and do not believe in leaving things till the last minute.”

 They all left suppressing a grin and straining themselves to be polite and respectful.

I didn’t anticipate that I was next in the line. “You better upgrade your computer, get a wider screen and buy lots of computer games.”

“I have a 17inch flat monitor and have plenty of DVDs with games.”

“No the grandchildren must have used all those at home. Go and get the latest stock. Since there are three of them I suggest you buy another computer with all the latest gadgets. I almost forgot. Last time you bought play Station Two. I understand something called X box is in the market. Go get it and check it out this week itself.”

“What else madam?” I said in a theatrical fashion.

“Good thing you asked me. You better get a new car in place of this junk.”

“My car is a medium segment sedan and is less than 3 years old. How dare you call it a junk?”

“They go in Mercs and Lexus cars. They all won’t fit into our car. You better get at least a Toyota or Chevrolet station wagon or a SUV.”

“Both of them cost a packet.”

“So what? Children and grandchildren do not come home everyday.”

“I heard you issuing orders left right and centre. How much is all that going to cost me?”

“Not much. Only five lakhs or so. If you add the computer gadgets etc another one lakh and I don’t know the cost of the new car.”

“New car as per your suggestion will cost around 12 lakhs. Where do you think I will get all this money from?”

“I tell you a simple way. Take the car paying nothing. Pay the first few instalments and put your hands up after the departure of the kids.”

“They may send goons after me to collect the money.”

“You are preoccupied with the blogs and don’t read the news. The Supreme Court said that force cannot be used to recover the money. On the contrary you take the car back to the show room like a gentleman and return it to them in show room condition. They can’t touch you.”

“One more thing” she added “You better upgrade yourself and do some vigorous exercise. Don’t forget you have to be horsy for the little fellow is now 3.”

“May I suggest something?”

“As long as you do not contradict me it is OK with me.”

“Why don’t I book a nice Guest house or a presidential suite in a five star hotel for one week and hire a limousine everyday for 12 hours for one week? It will cost much less.”

“Your ideas have always been weird. Why should my children stay in a hotel and not in my house and go in taxi even if it is for one week only? They may stay longer.”

“Look, they get a two week vacation. They spend one week with us and one week with our SIL’s family. So just for one week stay why should we go to such lengths and expenditure? After all our house and car are nice and need no renovation. What will be your contribution?”

“I will prepare all the delicacies and feed them nicely for one week.”

Meanwhile the telephone rang and we could see our daughter on the monitor. “Dad & Mom what do you want me to bring from USA?”

“Take down the list. A shipload of happiness, 100 bushels of smiles and a thousand tons of love will do.”

“Dad you haven’t changed the list over all these years. Ask Mummy, she may need something.”

“Yes a couple of packets for making eggless low calorie fruit cake and a packet of resins.” My wife said.

“Mummy I want my room in the same messy condition that I used to keep when I was with you guys. I want my children to see how I used to be when I was a kid.”

“Why this strange request? Your mummy was planning to spend a fortune refurbishing the house.”

“I read that it is best to show and tell the kids the truth to help them to grow up properly.”

“Ok she was planning to gild the lily and we will cancel all our plans.”

“See you next week, Bye.” She hung up and the screen went blank.