On Saturday night rocking in my rocking chair under the comfort of a split A/C holding a full glass of B/L I was watching my favourite batsman Shewag firing on all cylinders and going at full blast. I was also trying to complete Jeffrey Archer’s book “A PRISONER OF BIRTH by putting the TV to mute in between the overs. Then rain played the spoil sport and held up the match. Terribly annoyed I switched channels and found my idol/role model (of a writer only) Jeffrey Archer being interviewed by a nubile young lady. Jeffrey in a track suit looked fit and none the worse for the time he spent in the cooler. He said that he was very fond of cricket and stated unequivocally much to my delight that India is presently the second best team in the world.

Being very opinionated, he said the IPL and T 20 “is not cricket” and only the five day test represented the game in its best form and spirit. I was hanging on to every word he said in the interview and then all heavens broke loose. First the mobile started ringing annoying me to no end.

Someone from Mumbai called and asked me to pack my bags and get into the flight on Monday morning. He spoke as though I was on his payroll.

“Who do you think you are to order me to come to Mumbai at such short notice?" I had many questions to ask. He calmed me with his politeness and identified himself as the secretary to the superstar I of Bollywood and wanted me to come to Mumbai immediately to ghost write blogs for his boss. “Hundred Rupees for each word of a blog not exceeding 1K words everyday is the contract.” That disarmed and drained me of my anger.

“That is lot of money for blogs. Is any blog war going on? How about getting the flight tickets and accommodation in Mumbai?” I asked finding it difficult to hide my excitement.

“Bollywood is big bucks and when the superstars start blogging they want the best and they are ready to shell down any amount. As for your tickets I have already arranged e-tickets for you and reserved room no 421 in Taj Intercontinental. Everything has been arranged and all you have to bring with you is your brains and extensive knowledge of donkeys, monkeys, dogs and other quadrupeds. We have kept a laptop, Dictionaries, Thesaurus and CDs of several encyclopaedias waiting for you. All you have to do is to write a blog on the lines my boss wants bringing these animals obliquely. Is everything clear?” he asked in a typical filmy way. He sounded like the sidekick of a villain whose word can be ignored only at one’s own peril.

“Most certainly." I will come.” I assured.

“What about me?” My wife protested. I quickly apologised and asked the Bollywood contact about her.

“Don’t be silly. Do you think we will forget about her? Please bring her along too. I booked two tickets and booked a suite.” That allayed my wife’s doubts.

I readily agreed and disconnected as the mobile indicated that another call was coming through. Before I could answer that the landline started ringing continuously as if something was on fire.

The caller on landline happened to be the secretary of superstar II always at loggerheads with the other and he sounded very impatient.

“I have been trying to contact you for the last fifteen minutes. My boss wants you to come to Mumbai pronto and start writing blogs from Monday.” I had half a mind of telling him that there are many good bloggers in Mumbai and that a SUMBA exists. I thought that I would never get a better opportunity to get even with them for not visiting my blogs.

The Secretary sounded as if he was not someone to be trifled with and dispelled all my doubts. “My boss had specially selected you for your extensive knowledge of all animals wild and domesticated and wants to use it to have a dig at his rivals”. I then told him that I had just given my assent to the secretary for Superstar I for blogs at the rate of Rs 100 per word.

“Have you gone off your rocker? My boss charges and pays in crores. If you work for my boss he will pay you in crores, remember crores.”

“Why don’t you be more specific?”

“Let us make a contract for one crore for 25 blogs. I will send the e-tickets; arrange a Presidential suite in Centaur Hotel in Juhu for you and your good lady as long as you are on contract and a car at your disposal.”

I knew very well when to play hard to get. “What is the minimum period of contract?” I asked with my tongue firmly in cheek.

“Minimum three months, extendable to one year. One month’s notice for termination of contract is to be given by either party after three months. Does that satisfy you?” He asked eagerly.

I wanted to up the ante as the going was good at the same time didn’t want to look a gift horse in its mouth.

“What about all the equipment like laptops B/L etc?”

“All that will be provided free. You need not ask for peanuts when you are dealing with Superstars.”

“I just gave my OK to the secretary to superstar I. How do I get out of it?”

“Have you signed any contract and taken any cash advance?”

“Fortunately no, as of now.”

“Then you are in the clear. I am sending the contract by e-mail and you sign it electronically. I have already transferred fifty lakhs to your account by internet banking and you can check it out.”

“That seems fair to me.”

“We in Bollywood follow the correct procedure. We don’t leave anything to chance. Incidentally you start a blogger’s guild with you as the President to protect your copyright for the titles and phrases that you use.”

Meanwhile the rain stopped and the IPL match resumed. But I couldn’t care less for Sehwag or Jeffrey. As I started to think the mobile started ringing.